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Dawn
10-11-2009, 04:13 PM
Was parent teacher consultations today.

My son is a further learner in all subjects and is on the gifted and talented register already at age 6.

Great?

Well yes but...

My son has significant social difficulties. I knew his behavior was not perfect but had no idea how bad. He can't sit still. He doesn't share well. He pokes other children for no reason. He doesn't know how to join in a game. He gives up too easily.

I don't know what to do. I've failed as a parent. :(

Johnie
10-11-2009, 04:21 PM
:hug2: oh hon, you've not failed as a parent!

Social skills come very easily to some, like me for instance. And others it is very difficult.

Has he ever been tested for ADD/ADHD? sometimes the lack of concentration is a dead giveaway for that.

Britchick
10-11-2009, 04:22 PM
NO you haven't! you're one of the most attentive parents i know :hug2:

you need some advice, did the teacher tell you where to go get some?

Beccaberry
10-11-2009, 04:23 PM
:hug2: You've not nearly.

I know it won't help much, but can I tell you this...I sat through Andrew's first grade parent/teacher conference over 10 years ago and they told me the same (exact same) things (though they also added that he told inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times). And he is now a fully functioning, intelligent, polite, good looking 17 year old who is about to graduate high school. His social skills have developed...albeit a bit slowly and w/ regular reminders and he's a GOOD kid (Right? You said so yourself!). Relax a bit, Dawn, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater just yet :)

:hug2:

Isafari
10-11-2009, 04:27 PM
I've failed as a parent. :(

:nono: You so have not!
You're a great Mom, everyone here knows that :hug2:

Dawn
10-11-2009, 04:28 PM
you need some advice, did the teacher tell you where to go get some?


I will speak to the special needs coordinator at school when I get the chance because our school classes social difficulties as a special need fortunately.

It was just a bit of a shock really. And it's all started since he moved to year 2. He had issues before but they appear to have escalated this year. I wonder how much of it is boredom because he is an advanced learner. There's 30 kids in that class and the teacher can't focus on just 1. Makes it worse too because I work in the school ...

Johnie
10-11-2009, 04:28 PM
This is very true about Andrew :yes: he is one of the most respectful teenagers I know.

Dawn
10-11-2009, 04:29 PM
Has he ever been tested for ADD/ADHD? sometimes the lack of concentration is a dead giveaway for that.

I'm convinced it's not that. When he finds something he's interested in he can concentrate and stay focussed for hours.

Beccaberry
10-11-2009, 04:30 PM
PS. He does still tell inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times :wink: but I like that.

Johnie
10-11-2009, 04:31 PM
I will speak to the special needs coordinator at school when I get the chance because our school classes social difficulties as a special need fortunately.

It was just a bit of a shock really. And it's all started since he moved to year 2. He had issues before but they appear to have escalated this year. I wonder how much of it is boredom because he is an advanced learner. There's 30 kids in that class and the teacher can't focus on just 1. Makes it worse too because I work in the school ...


He could very well be bored. I know I was as a child. I was the first one done with my work and would talk to my neighbors. I've always been chatty. But, I did get in a lot of trouble in school for it. I think they should have been proactive and gave me something else to do!

Can he bring in something else to read or draw or something to occupy him?

Is he in the same age range as his classmates?

Johnie
10-11-2009, 04:32 PM
I'm convinced it's not that. When he finds something he's interested in he can concentrate and stay focussed for hours.

another hallmark for kids with ADD! They can play video games for YEARS and stay focused.

It sounds like he just may be bored from what you are saying

:tongue: Rebecca, that's one of the things I love about Andrew too

Britchick
10-11-2009, 04:35 PM
boredom seems like a good answer to me too. Or is it a personality clash- i feel like poking people sometimes but it's because i'm an adult ( :unsure:) i can control it!

MarkE
10-11-2009, 05:05 PM
dont make me come down there and make me hit you with a 'don't be so stoopid' stick.

1) The fact you care about this situation means you're a better parent than 50%+ of the population to start with (I'm going on adult attendence at Lou's parents evening last week).

2) If Steven is getting bored in class, it's the teachers fault. No, she can't focus on just one child, but there should be enough differentiation in the learning to challenge the top kids as well as be easy enough for the TAPS. He's poking people because he's bored. That should be addressed, either through straight forward behaviour management or accelerated learning.

3) I'm out of time now, but theres dozens of reasons for this 'issue'. you failing as a parent is NOT one of them.

Skywatcher
10-11-2009, 05:20 PM
You know my views on this, he will improve with time,having met your beautiful son on many occasions and knowing a bit about it all I can honestly state I don't think he has a problem. What the school have is a problem in that they struggle to keep up with him. His brightness is as much a special need as a child of low IQ but guess what funding doesn't follow the gifted and talented programme and infact its been pulled from our school :mad:

Thomas had Major problems with social skills at Stevens age, far worse than your gorgeous boy does, but now he's grown up a bit he's fine - yes he still flips out on occasion and gets frustrated that everyone doesn't undertsnad things the way he does , but then I know plenty of successful adults who are like that as well.

You are as far from a failed parent as it is humanly possible to be

I mean that, and if you say anything to the contrary I shall slap you

:yes:

lisaw
10-11-2009, 05:21 PM
I agree with all the above Dawn :hug2:

What is his teacher like? If this 'problem' has only now surfaced in year 2 perhaps it is a personality clash, or like Mark said she doesn't now how to challenge him and keep him focused with enough to do that interests him.

Skywatcher
10-11-2009, 05:47 PM
Seriously I will slap you :yes:

Beccaberry
10-11-2009, 06:26 PM
And then I'll :slap: the other side of you.

Dawn
10-11-2009, 06:40 PM
I agree with all the above Dawn :hug2:

What is his teacher like? If this 'problem' has only now surfaced in year 2 perhaps it is a personality clash, or like Mark said she doesn't now how to challenge him and keep him focused with enough to do that interests him.

His teacher is excellent and is widely regarded as one of the best in the school. She had a ton of positive things to say about him - she said that in 16 years of teaching she had never come across a 6 year old that reads and comprehends as well as Steven. She does challenge him and try and set him tougher learning but she does have 30 children and Steven needs to learn that it can't always be him and his teacher and he needs to learn patience.

The classes were all split up at the end of year 1 to solve a few clashes and Steven was split from his best friend Jack. I think that is partially to do with this as he's struggling to form new bonds in the class and thinks the way to make a friend is to go and sit on them. :lol: He's behaving the way he did with Jack but there's no like-minded Jack in his class anymore.

Hopefully with help it will pass.

It was just a smack in the face at the end of a trying day. :sorry:

Beccaberry
10-11-2009, 06:42 PM
Well then I'll give you one of these as well :hug2:

But I still have the :slap: ready if I need it.

Johnie
10-11-2009, 06:44 PM
:hug2::hug2::hug2::hug2: I have lots more if you need them

kazzaqld
10-11-2009, 07:36 PM
Dawn you are not a failure as a parent. (repeat that after me, mmmkay!)


I agree with Johnie that you should get ADD looked into - it can be hard to diagnose until the child reaches a certain age because many kids exhibit ADD-like behaviour at first. It's when they don't grow out of it that it becomes a problem.

Gareth was in our year 4 (ie about 8 years old) before we were sure. Like Johnie said I dismissed it for a long time because he could sit in front of a computer game for hours. But that is quite a common hallmark too.

It could be he is just bored, and that he is still working out how to interact with other people. I know a teenager who's still working it out!

It's great that he has a good teacher - they are very precious!

I have a really good book on ADD written by an Australian paediatrician - I will try and dig it out as I think it may have some UK contacts in it too.

Now are you still repeating what I said about not being a bad parent! :hug2:

josh.p.
10-11-2009, 07:43 PM
:hug2: Out of all the things I could say about you (and your hole ;) ) being a bad parent is NOT one of them. When I think of you the first thing I think of is how good you are to Steven.

The fact that you are worrying about this issue so much shows that :yes:

Tink
10-11-2009, 11:34 PM
No offense to anyone's suggestions but ADD or ADHD is not the issue with Steven.

So, what does Steven have to say about things? He's smart enough, and thinks logically enough to have a discussion about what the teacher's concerns are and what HE (not YOU) is going to do about them?

He is smart enough to understand that just because he's wicked smarter than the other kids, he can't poke, prod, or in any way use his body (including voice) to interfere with another person's being. He's well able to learn that concept.

He may be bored in school, so give him extra to do at home. Academically speaking, I mean. :)

Mostly, bring him into the issue, and discuss the situation and have him come up with viable solutions.

He's quite capable of doing that, and you as the dedicated parent you are, will foster his suggestions and facilitate his solutions.

daveann
11-11-2009, 12:42 AM
sounds like a normal 6 year old it bugs me the amount of pressure thats put on kids so what he pokes others didnt we all do that in class and attention didnt we all drift off if we were bored or fed up he is a normal kid and as long as he is happy thats all that matters he is 6 plenty of time for conforming to stero types when he is older. :) just my opinion :)

Dawn
11-11-2009, 08:01 AM
Mostly, bring him into the issue, and discuss the situation and have him come up with viable solutions.

Today he has decided he will try and do carpet time without touching anyone else or sitting too close to them.

I honestly think boredom may be a part of it because he doesn't display any of those behaviours with his piano teacher or at karate or football. But he does need to learn the correct way of waiting for others to finish. I hope he's just a late developer with his social skills.:unsure:

Skywatcher
11-11-2009, 08:06 AM
HE'S 6 not all 6 year olds are the same height weight reading ability or social ability

it will come with time, not that there is much to come from what I see; blimey you've been around my kids !!

the curse of the modern era is to diagnose and slap labels on.

Dawn
11-11-2009, 08:09 AM
blimey you've been around my kids !!.

Yes and I find myself slowly backing away from Thomas. :rotfl:


Steven's smiley of the day is :ouch:

Skywatcher
11-11-2009, 08:16 AM
We've had parents eenings where we have sat and taled to the teacher who has that slightly defocussed look and you can tell she is racking her brains trying to look for something to say - needless to say the only things that stick in there mind are usually 1or 2 incidents per child and its usually either something really brilliant or a time they were naughty - the time they spend blending in with the grey background and not causing a fuss they are unnoticed.

He is exceptionally bright

He is a warm and loving boy

He does not have significant ADHD if he can sit for an hour and play piano or sit and do an hours Karate or sport.

I HATE the use of Aspergers syndrome it covers sucha gamut of behaviours from the totally housebound dependant to the slightly socaially inept university professor.

He is a totally awesome kid Dawn and he will blossom in to an excellent young man, largely because he has you and Adrian as parents :yes:

lozzy
11-11-2009, 12:40 PM
Bless you Dawn, I have never meet you or your son but I get a good impression that you are a good mother from all the things I have read about what you do as a family and from what others have said about you.

Like others have said and you have said your son is a very clever little boy and maybe it is taking him a little longer than other to build on his social skills, like all children they learn things at a different speed, some children in his class maybe slower at getting to grips with maths or english.
I do hate it when the school make issues out of things and label children.

When you think about it he is still very young and I'm sure with time he will be fine.

I have 2 sons and they are both different but by youngest has been compared to his brother at times and I have had to have a few word with the school.
We have children in the school my youngest is at now who don't seem to have the same social skills that other may have but when you find out about the child he/she is very good at other skills that my son isn't good at.
My boys have been going to school since they were 2 years old and have had 3 years to build social skills when other didn't start school until the age of 5 and are still learning.

Keep positive and continue to do what you are doing.

Tinkfan
11-11-2009, 02:38 PM
:slap: Listen to Skywatcher and Tink, I have worked in special ed resources for many , many years. ADHD is a very convenient catch phrase these days for typical behavior issues that used to be resolved when your father came home!!!LOL. He is bored, he is 6 and as most 6 year old children do they think the world revolves around them!! ( and for us as parents, it usually does :worship:) There are many different learning patterns and styles. Some children, boys in particular learn by tactile means and learn better if they are allowed to stand rather than sit. You could have been describing my son Tyler, except for the poking part but he would stand very close to people when he spoke, and he talked alot about various topics that he thought was interesting, from sports to history. The Civil war was a favorite, ( Nnot so much with his class LOL) He was in constant motion but his teachers soon found out he absorbed everything like a sponge. he was a voratious reader and was reading Harry Potter at age 6. he also began to figure out he was different at that age from his peers. We quickly got him involved in sports to run down some of the energy and he is very athletic. In a very non academic terms, I think their mind runs faster than they can keep up with if you know what I mean. Ty will be 13 in May, he is an exceptionally well balanced and well mannered kid. He's ok with having different interests now, he is still very involved in sports and has gained alot of respect from his peers for his playing ability. Now that I've said that, we had to remind him frequently when he was young to back off and not touch people when he was talking. In fact we developed a code word for behavior that was over the top( such as explaing to the teacher that her info was wrong on a topic):yes: You're a great parent and do alot with your son, feed his natural intrests with trips to the museums, philharmonics ect. Relax, it will all be good :hug2:

Skywatcher
11-11-2009, 03:24 PM
:D

See its not just me - listen to the nice ladies and gentlemen please

Claire
11-11-2009, 04:23 PM
See I have the perfect solution! He needs a playmate. Someone who you can sit, watch and compare him with. Then you'll be able to sit back and say "there ain't nuffin wrong with my son!" Shall I send Maisie first or second class? :D

Dawn
11-11-2009, 05:18 PM
:mental:



He'll try and sit on her. :lol:

MarkE
11-11-2009, 05:28 PM
I have nothing more to add to this thread, other than to say I love that smilie.
And you're not a bad parent. Bad parents buy their 6 year old call of duty and let them have the day off school to play it, then wonder why they act like a spoiled so and so in school. Then they come into school and shout at the teacher for DARING to try and instill some manner in their kid.

Ursula
11-11-2009, 07:56 PM
How are you feeling today Dawn? Hope you feel better and hope you realise that you don't have anything to worry about with Steven. But having said that..... you will always worry about him, even when he's towering over you and giving you big manly hugs, because he will and it will all pass by in a blur and when he's a young man you will wonder what on earth you were so worried about, really you will.
People were not meant to fit into pigeon holes... only pigeons fit into pigeon holes. XX

Tink
12-11-2009, 12:10 AM
Excellent point, Helly. And we all know how our Dawn feels about pigeons.

Steven is Steven, not Jack, not Danny Be Good, not Timothy the Perfect, Steven is a child with interests, energy, and a whole world before him.

Social skills are necessary of course, and they will come to him. He will determine which ones are the most needed. You can role model, encourage, even insist (and that will work for a time) but Steven will determine what works for him.

Refuse any and all labels. They are damaging and painful (even the supposedly positive ones). He is who he is. Period.

kazzaqld
12-11-2009, 12:44 AM
Sorry if I have said the wrong thing. I certainly didn't mean to "diagnose" Steven based on what I know of him over the internet. Just trying to help based on my own experience.

I will bow out of this thread now before I say something I'll regret.

Ursula
12-11-2009, 01:04 AM
Sorry if I have said the wrong thing. I certainly didn't mean to "diagnose" Steven based on what I know of him over the internet. Just trying to help based on my own experience.

I will bow out of this thread now before I say something I'll regret.

Aw no you were just trying to be helpful as we all are X Don't be too hard on yourself hun XXXXX:hug2:

Tink
12-11-2009, 01:20 AM
There is nothing to apologize for. :hug2: Everyone is providing the best advice they can, and your's is just as important as anyone else's. :yes: :hug2:

Tinkfan
12-11-2009, 02:00 AM
Sorry if I have said the wrong thing. I certainly didn't mean to "diagnose" Steven based on what I know of him over the internet. Just trying to help based on my own experience.

I will bow out of this thread now before I say something I'll regret.

ADHD is a serious problem and it is always good to know the signs and symptoms, it is difficult to diagnose at any rate,some of the symptoms are present in everyone!!:wave:

Shellyamc
12-11-2009, 04:27 PM
I just saw this thread and wanted to add some hugs :hug2:

You are a wonderful Mommy and everything I would say has already been said. He is an amazing little boy and someday when our kids get married we will look back on this day and laugh ;)

Dawn
12-11-2009, 05:56 PM
someday when our kids get married we will look back on this day and laugh ;)

Have you picked your hat out yet? :D

mumof2
12-11-2009, 06:27 PM
hey you two - we are all invited, yes? :unsure:

mainecoon lover
13-11-2009, 06:13 PM
Hey missy you have not failed as a parent, from what i read on here you are a great parent who spends a lot of quality time with Steven. i hope you get all the help and in put you need.

*Bambi-Belle*
14-11-2009, 01:55 PM
Aww Dawn sweetie don't panic. Liam was the same as in he was performing academically way ahead of the rest of his year but was socially phobic as in he would not play with others. It would break my heart to see him standing in the playground all by himself. He only liked activities where I could stay and where he wasn't going to be touched. He only ever wanted one friend over to play at a time and even then they would be in the toy room playing and he would be reading a book. Lol
He was always more comfortable in a group of adults than kids.


Fast forward to high school, he's still performing well at school and his teachers all love him but it is so much more balanced now. He's a typical scruffy, girl loving, music loving, sarcastic, cheeky teenager, who has a lovely group of friends boys and girls. They are all in the book club and go to orchestra. To see him go down town ice skating or to the cinema in a group of 10 kids is far more rewarding to me than a good report card. When he was 6 I couldn't even imagine him staying overnight at my sisters, now he costs me a fortune in school trips every year.


What I'm trying to say is Stevens maturity just needs to catch up with his academic abilities, and hun with a Mum and Dad like his he will get there in the end. Trust me He is finding out what his personality is going to be and he's a smart kid. He will poke the wrong person one day and will learn not to do it again. Sometimes kids take longer to learn math or sentence structure and some kids take a bit longer to master the art of sitting still. Lol I'm 37 and I still have problems keeping focused and sitting still. Heehee


He's a good kid and that's down to you guys. Xxxxxx

Shellyamc
17-11-2009, 07:28 AM
Have you picked your hat out yet? :D

Ooooooooh YES!! It has a hippo on it :D

Dawn
17-11-2009, 07:57 AM
:mental:

Johnie
17-11-2009, 01:51 PM
Are we having a hippo themed wedding? How very cool!

Skywatcher
17-11-2009, 02:00 PM
.......and we expect this child to turn out in a 'normal' way do we with one side of the church dressed as hippo's


.... works for me :D

Tinkfan
17-11-2009, 07:27 PM
:point: With madagascar playing in the background!

Tink
17-11-2009, 11:46 PM
What's abnormal about hippos at the wedding? :unsure:

Dawn
18-11-2009, 07:53 AM
Exactly. Hippos need to feel the love too. :D

Skywatcher
18-11-2009, 08:02 AM
I feel like we have entered a 'weird area' here :unsure:

Tink
18-11-2009, 12:23 PM
In what respect my good Doctor? :unsure: Hippos surely deserve to witness great joy and happiness too. They are feeling creatures, yes? I mean, after all loads of folks bring their dogs to their weddings, why not the hippos?

Hippo Hats, hippo centerpieces, hippo favors, hippo patterned china, hippo sized entrees... :D :D :D See how easy that works out? :D

Skywatcher
18-11-2009, 02:24 PM
Well..... :unsure:...ooooookaaay

and people thought we were weird forthe amount of Disney we had at our wedding :D

Johnie
18-11-2009, 02:51 PM
Of course we are weird. We LOVE the weird!!

Skywatcher
18-11-2009, 03:05 PM
Of course we are weird. We LOVE the weird!!

Is this you and your invisible pet spidermonkey called Alan?

Johnie
18-11-2009, 03:07 PM
No, I have an invisible tiger called Giovanni :tongue:

Skywatcher
18-11-2009, 03:25 PM
I will not tell you what that is an anagram of :D

josh.p.
18-11-2009, 03:27 PM
I will not tell you what that is an anagram of :D
Please tell me though :rotfl:

Skywatcher
18-11-2009, 03:29 PM
It doesn't quite work - the world is cruel like that

for example if Lloyds bank had and online bankling facility called e-lloyds bank - it would make Donkey balls :sigh: but life doesn't work out that way sometimes :D

josh.p.
18-11-2009, 03:30 PM
Oh... I see... you need another A?

Skywatcher
18-11-2009, 03:39 PM
Much promise I see in you young J posh :yes:

Johnie
18-11-2009, 04:03 PM
:tongue: I shall never look at Giovanni the same way again.....

Dawn
18-11-2009, 04:24 PM
Giovanni only has 1 A...

Skywatcher
18-11-2009, 04:29 PM
:tongue: I shall never look at Giovanni the same way again.....

You will never fully understand how much I have had to restrain myself from replying to this post

Johnie
18-11-2009, 04:40 PM
:nono:

:tongue: