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arkvilla
17-12-2009, 02:03 PM
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 01, 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party


I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised
if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 pm.
Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should
be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 02, 2009

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from
now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty



>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 03, 2009

RE: Holiday Party


Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting
a non-drinking table ..you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only" you wouldn't be anonymous any more.

How am I supposed to handle this ?

Somebody???

And sorry, but forget about the gifts exchange. No gifts are now allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL NOW BE ALLOWED.



>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: December 04, 2009

RE: A Generic Holiday Party


Wow ! What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim
holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.

There goes the party then!

Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our
Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end
of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.

Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet,
and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men - each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross-dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing allowed,
apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry 'bout that.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests
that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F*****ng Employees

DATE: December 05, 2009

RE: The F****ing Holiday Party ???


I've had it with you vegetarian pricks! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether
you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death,"
as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*****g salad bar, including organic tomatoes.

But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too ! They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream! I'm hearing them scream RIGHT NOW!!

The rest of you f****ng weirdos can go kiss my *ss.

I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

The B***** from HE****!!!!!!!!



>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: December 06, 2009

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party Memos

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Enjoy Secrets Peeps

Sandra
<!-- / message --><!-- edit note -->

uscwest
17-12-2009, 02:24 PM
This has been going around for several years and yet I still get a kick out of it. Really feel sorry for poor Patty though. And alas, so much of this is really true.

catrancher
17-12-2009, 02:35 PM
This is great!

Reminds me of Achmed the Dead Terrorist's comments on being politically correct!


http://idisk.mac.com/twgower/Public/Achmed.jpg

Tom (:macwave:... still a Jeff Dunham fan! And, of course, Achmed!)

foreverducky
17-12-2009, 02:39 PM
I love this!

I still say Merry Christmas!

foreverducky
17-12-2009, 02:40 PM
This is great!

Reminds me of Achmed the Dead Terrorist's comments on being politically correct!


http://idisk.mac.com/twgower/Public/Achmed.jpg

Tom (:macwave:... still a Jeff Dunham fan! And, of course, Achmed!)

Love Jeff Dunham! And definitely Achmed!

Britchick
17-12-2009, 05:57 PM
just call me Patty! :mental:

Mari
17-12-2009, 08:43 PM
this make sme laugh.. then again, Im so sorry it is actually true......