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Tinkfan
21-01-2010, 01:41 PM
Well, it's been an interesting 6 months or so. Some of you may remember that we were thinking of moving last summer from our country home, then my brother was diagnosed with Charcots Syndrome, my mother put her house in my name and we just sort of let things go. I've been after my mother (84) to decide what she wants to do with the house for the past 3 years, it's upkeep is getting too much for her. We had offered to buy it for years now( buying out my brothers share in the house as well) to no avail. With my brothers illness however it's apparent that physically he will need help soon. ( he lives with Mom) After Christmas DH and I decided enough was enough and that we would give our house to the kids, they can make the needed repairs while we still pay the mortgage and sell and divide the profit ( an early inheiratance!!LOL) and found a small home that we both liked very much. Well doesn't Mom tell me that she wants to sell her house and move either to a senior apartment or an in-law set up at our house.In our area there are not alot of in-law set ups, and the newer sub divisions do not allow garage conversions.We have been looking non stop and found 2 houses that could meet our requirements( Mom and brother will eventually be living with me) but it's 10 minutes from where they want to live:slap: I feel like pulling my hair out at this point! Any suggestions? My sanity is in question now people! It's much harder to find a space that 4 adults can live in then ( plus Ty) than a 5 person family, and no they don't want a duplex either( especially DH) HELP:yes:

foreverducky
21-01-2010, 01:50 PM
It's going to be very hard to make everyone happy! Maybe some compromising is the way to go. :hug2:

Tinkfan
21-01-2010, 01:59 PM
Yeah ,or a shot gun!!!

Tink
21-01-2010, 02:21 PM
Seriously look into assisted living. I can go on for hours, but it would be a very, very good compromise and honestly, your Mom and Brother may come to actually like the idea. There are wonderful places out there that meet the needs of families far more thoroughly than even a loving family can. :yes:

Good luck to you. That's a really hard family matter to work though. :hug2: :pdust: :pdust:

Tinkfan
21-01-2010, 03:17 PM
My mother is fiercely independent still, she drives short distances and wouldn't even ponder the notion. A senior apartment maybe, my brother won't consider even the apartment. ( the term senior)!!!!

Tinkfan
21-01-2010, 03:20 PM
My mother is fiercely indepentent still, drives short distances and wouldn't even ponder the notion!! asenior apartment maybe. My brother at 58, not even the apartment(the term senior) :brickwall::brickwall::yes:

Tink
21-01-2010, 03:43 PM
A senior apartment would be good. :yes: Although, you CAN drive and live your own life in an ALF. :yes: It's just that you have care available should you need it. :yes:

Plus, you don't have to be "old" (whatever on earth that means) to live in an ALF. Most states allow people 18 and older to live in them (if there is a need, of course).

At any rate, it does seem an independent living situation would be better.

mumof2
21-01-2010, 04:18 PM
oh my giddy Aunt what a difficult position you're in. I'm afraid I have no suggestions other than what's already been said....:hug2:

Tinkfan
21-01-2010, 05:55 PM
Sweet Mother of God, she doesn't want to look at the in law set up because it's 15 minutes away from where she wants.... :lalala::mental: grant me patience!!! Grant me foresight, grant me something!!!!!!!:yes:

mumof2
21-01-2010, 05:57 PM
Sweet Mother of God, she doesn't want to look at the in law set up because it's 15 minutes away from where she wants.... :lalala::mental: grant me patience!!! Grant me foresight, grant me something!!!!!!!:yes:



lots of vodka....?! :hug2:

Tinkfan
21-01-2010, 07:14 PM
Mmmmmm, :yes:( and I don't drink!)

mumof2
21-01-2010, 07:32 PM
Mmmmmm, :yes:( and I don't drink!)


i did think that when i posted it! :tongue:

foreverducky
21-01-2010, 08:37 PM
You can only do so much!

I think ALFs are fantastic. One still has freedom but there is always care, like Tink said, when or if needed!

Tinkfan
22-01-2010, 01:44 AM
i did think that when i posted it! :tongue:


Maybe I'll start.... Although it might have to be a strawberry pina colada...

Tink
22-01-2010, 01:49 AM
NONONONONONONO! ICK!!! Strawberry coconut???? NO WAY SISTAH!!! LOL.

If you are going to start, pour yourself a nice glass of Bailey's or Amaretto DiSorronno and sip, sip, sip. :yes: Warmth creeps in, body relaxes and all is right, eh? :D :D

Tinkfan
22-01-2010, 03:19 AM
:sorry: I'm ashamed to admit this vice but I actually love Red Lobsters strawberry pina colada. I had it for the first time 8 years ago in the Red lobster in Orlando!! Of course Ty was a very tired, cranky 4 year old that night!! I do like a small drop of Godiva liqueur in my dinner coffee on very special occasions! MMMM!!!:yes: This may be one of them. We see all 3 houses on Saturday and will determine which one will be the one, Rosary's out please!!!

Tink
22-01-2010, 03:24 AM
Rosary out! :yes: :D

mumof2
22-01-2010, 12:41 PM
If I had one it'd be out! :yes:






NONONONONONONO! ICK!!! Strawberry coconut???? NO WAY SISTAH!!! LOL.

If you are going to start, pour yourself a nice glass of Bailey's or Amaretto DiSorronno and sip, sip, sip. :yes: Warmth creeps in, body relaxes and all is right, eh? :D :D




mmmmm Baileys, mmmmm Amaretto......yum.

Tinkfan
22-01-2010, 01:21 PM
I've put the houses in priority in my mind, my favorite house has a carved dinosaur in the front, it's on 2.5 acres 3 beds up, 1 down, french doors from living room into family room. It has in 1 room upstairs a huge mural of the planets and a painted Civil war scene in the other bedroom!! Right up tylers alley! The home is warm and inviting. And best of all it has closets and public water!!!!!!:thumbsup: Not to mention 2 1/2 baths Whoooie!!!) #2 is smaller but equally nice a beautiful stamped concrete patio out back, The third has the best lay out but is my least favorite house, not much personality, We would have to do a bit to make it ours.

dumbo77
22-01-2010, 01:41 PM
judging by what you have written i really dont think your mum or broter are going to be happy with what ever you choose so i think you should pick the house you like and they will just have to live with it . so long as it meets all the requirements they need to assist in there independance but also has the long term needs for future care then i honestly think go for the one you like. i would however make sure there is a space there just for you and nobody else ,a little getaway possibly with a mini fridge for them stawberry pina coladas :tongue:

Tinkfan
22-01-2010, 02:06 PM
Ahhh, the strawberry pina coladas are best in Florida, where I am most certainely not!!! :thumbsdown:

Shellyamc
22-01-2010, 03:51 PM
Ahhh, the strawberry pina coladas are best in Florida, where I am most certainely not!!! :thumbsdown:

If all else fails, you can come live with me :D We won't let them find you :lol:

Tinkfan
22-01-2010, 09:26 PM
Can I , Can I?!!! free baby sitting!!!!:yes:

mumof2
22-01-2010, 10:08 PM
They definitely won't find you here!

Tinkfan
22-01-2010, 10:18 PM
:worship: Wow, thanks guys, a summer AND winter vacation home!! You guys are the best!!:yes:

Tinkfan
24-01-2010, 02:28 AM
:sorry::thumbsdown: It did not go well today.:surrender:

Tink
24-01-2010, 02:32 AM
Ah no. :hug2: I was hoping things would ease up a bit. :sigh:

Have you heard of the Five Wishes planning document?

Tinkfan
24-01-2010, 01:36 PM
No Tink I haven't. Explain please. I probably can give a good guess though.

mumof2
24-01-2010, 01:47 PM
oh no :hug2:

Tink
24-01-2010, 03:15 PM
http://www.agingwithdignity.org/five-wishes.php

Here is a link. It's not exactly in keeping with what you need right now, but it will bring the whole concept of life is finite to the table. And NOW, when there is no imminent threat, is the time to have these discussions.

I've seen this document work wonders in all sorts of contexts for which it was never intended

mumof2
24-01-2010, 04:24 PM
Tink, that is so useful. i wonder if we have anything like that here. i know for sure my Mum would be interested, I'll check it out.

Tink
24-01-2010, 04:32 PM
You could use the one for here and adapt it for use in the UK. It's the essence of the questions that matter, eh?

Tinkfan
25-01-2010, 12:38 PM
:hug2: That is a wonderful idea Tink, do you utilize the process in the work you do? I am already designated as care giver on both medical forms for my brother and mother. I do realize what they want at the end, it's the present that I'm having difficulty. My mother doesn't want to leave her town. We have a small community here and most of the towns are all interconnected. Where I'm trying to move them is only 15 minutes away. There are not very many in law set ups to begin with,none that we've seen with 2 bedrooms. Even on the house with the set up we would have to build another bedroom that would connect with the in law living room and add on a family room as well to add more common space. I don't mind doing all this but I can't create for them what isn't there. :sorry:

Tink
25-01-2010, 01:13 PM
So very true, Tinkfan. :hug2:

The document often allows families to come to discussions about many things, not just end of life planning.

I encourage everyone to have one. You simply do not ever know what lays in wait for you tomorrow (and I can attest to that from personal experience).