PDA

View Full Version : Being Assertive



hayleyneeyore
16-07-2008, 08:40 AM
Do you think you are assertive?

Britchick
16-07-2008, 08:49 AM
i think sometimes it comes with age and experience and goes hand in hand with confidence. My job has helped me big time with this as i have to talk to very awkward people who are at times verbally abusive. I can now, although its hard to do, say no - without telling the person why. There are courses you can do to help you- maybe even something online to help

hayleyneeyore
16-07-2008, 08:54 AM
.

Grammiepo
16-07-2008, 11:20 AM
Yep, that's me! having been in mangerment , I would say , I might even be called pushie.

lisaw
16-07-2008, 11:20 AM
I can be very assertive with DH and the kids :lol: but not anyone else :rolleyes008:

Tink
16-07-2008, 11:25 AM
I agree with Britchick. Age and experience does help sometimes. :yes:

If people are asking you to do more than you can, and by taking on those extra tasks your performance at your required tasks runs the risk of being negatively impacted, you must learn to say, "I really can't. I'm swamped with my own duties." You can try a positive approach, "I really appreciate your confidence in me! Right now I have to focus on my tasks/duties/responsibilites."

One of the things you shouldn't say is, "I'm sorry." That sends a mixed message and gives the other person room to continue pushing you to do their work/whatever.

I think everyone, especially young professionals should take an assertiveness course as well as a negotiating course. You'll be happy you did and should walk away with some really useful skills. :yes:

Start small and practice saying no to little requests. Those are often the ones that weigh you down as they seem so little that it won't matter. But it does!

Wendy
16-07-2008, 12:29 PM
Hayley, there can't be anyone more unassertive than me :o :sigh;

As Chris says even a 5 year old can talk me into anything, I just don't know how to say no :shrug:

Tink
16-07-2008, 12:30 PM
Do too. You wouldn't drink that iced tea at the UK pavilion! :lol: :hug1:

Wendy
16-07-2008, 12:41 PM
Do too. You wouldn't drink that iced tea at the UK pavilion! :lol: :hug1:


:lol: Ok touché :lol:

MystikPiglit
16-07-2008, 01:01 PM
I just can't say "no" to people - I hate letting people down so I just get on with it and end up with a ton more work to do and not being any more appreciated for it :mad:


That used to be me.... I made the excuse to myself that I was doing it because I liked helping people, which in principle I still do.

Then one day I overheard 2 friends after a committee meeting (oh yes, I was roped onto many committees) saying, "Ask Diane, she'll do it".

I mulled that over and realised that she was right, I would do anything to be of help.

Over time I've almost managed, by remembering that sentence, to just be helpful when really needed and to accept invitations for things I want to do.
I say 'almost' as I still sometimes automatically agree to do something I don't have time for.:rolleyes008:

Good luck. :hug2:

Tink
16-07-2008, 01:01 PM
LOL! :hug1:

Claire
16-07-2008, 01:02 PM
I never used to be assertive but an experience a couple or so years ago made me take stock of myself and my life and I sure ain't a pushover any more! I used to live my life to please others, and now it's more a case of I like to please others but not to the detriment of my happiness. Saying no is something I had to learn to say even to my own children. I am now a completely different person but I am still described by my friends as having a heart of gold.

Beccaberry
16-07-2008, 01:28 PM
I never used to be assertive but an experience a couple or so years ago made me take stock of myself and my life and I sure ain't a pushover any more! I used to live my life to please others, and now it's more a case of I like to please others but not to the detriment of my happiness. Saying no is something I had to learn to say even to my own children. I am now a completely different person but I am still described by my friends as having a heart of gold.

I'm learning this lesson very slowly...my new job has helped...my first instinct is to always say, "YES!" but slowly I'm learning to breathe before I speak...

Johnie
16-07-2008, 02:02 PM
I didn't think I had any problems with being assertive and then this morning I was a big old push over. I have a 15 minute rule at work. if you are more than 15 minutes late for your appt then you have to reschedule. As I spent 5 minutes trying to explain this to the woman, I just gave in and saw her :slap:

hayleyneeyore
16-07-2008, 02:05 PM
Thank you for the advice :)

MystikPiglit
16-07-2008, 02:15 PM
Hopefully I'm getting there. I hate saying no. I gotta learn to love saying no :lol:

Be strong, just picture us all behind you backing you up! :D

hayleyneeyore
16-07-2008, 02:26 PM
. .

Tink
17-07-2008, 01:08 AM
Awww, no honey. :hug2: Please don't. :hug2: You did the very best you could with what you had and had to do at that time.

Dorothy
17-07-2008, 01:13 PM
My family tells me that I'm bossy, does that count :rolleyes008:

Actually, I've learned the hard way to learn to assert myself. I guess I just got tired of always being taken advantage of because I didn't know how to say no. I'm also much happier now :p015:

Ursula
17-07-2008, 06:06 PM
I think it also has to do with knowing that you will not be a poplular person if you say no... so that forces people to say yes when they really don't want to. The trick is to not care if they carry on liking you or not. I can be assertive with all kinds of people even Doctors who alot of people are timid around. I don't care if people carry on liking me or not.