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View Full Version : ms, miss, mrs, firstname surname??



disnut
20-03-2009, 08:51 PM
This was a hot topic of discussion well argument in the office today.

The basic question was why should a woman have her marrital status divulged every time she fills in a form where a man doesnt? So a woman has to say if she's a miss or a mrs whereas a man is just mr.

The hospital situation was raised where a woman may have to sign a form saying that she's not a mrs because same sex marriages arent allowed but she may have a civil partner who is next of kin. Why should she have to give all that information when a man would just sign mr

some people suggested using ms. but no one really likes that either

What do you think? Should we give up on mr/mrs/miss and just use firstname/surname? or should every one be either ms or mr

foreverducky
20-03-2009, 09:00 PM
i like using just ms.

josh.p.
20-03-2009, 09:12 PM
I just think that 'master' has died out, so there is no non-married name for a male?

I don't see it as a sign of having to 'divulge' the information, but I think it'd be disrespectful to refer to someone as 'Miss' when they are married, or to refer to them as 'Mrs' and assume they are married...

Britchick
20-03-2009, 09:16 PM
i see your point, i'm quite a traditionist in that i took my husbands name and even 'obeyed' in my marriage vows :lol: In other ways i am very determined with womens rights etc but it doesn't mean that i am uncomfortable with being a wife, maybe it's because we have a true partnership and i don't ever feel that Jon is in charge ( i do let him think that sometimes though :tongue:).

very interesting point though, it is kind of sexist if you think about it but then i think we can go too far thinking about things too much and analysing everything.

I think whatever you want to call yourself is fine and is a personal decision and if some people want to judge you by what you do call yourself then leave them to it in their shallow little lives. :yes::wiggle:

Tink
21-03-2009, 02:18 AM
Well, I'm a Ms person (that's a surprise, eh) but I honestly believe the John Doe and Jane Who is the way to go. That works for me though, and would not work for everyone.

Master in this country usually refers to a young boy, Master Seth Nicholas and not an unmarried man. Mr. does not denote married in this country.

If marrying couples choose to share one name, then that's their choice. :yes: Doesn't rest on gender, eh? :wink:

PsychoAlice
21-03-2009, 03:56 AM
1. My children have MY maiden name.
2. Long ago when I was married i was hyphenated. I still am hyphenated. I have been divorced almost 6 years. I was married to him I deserve to keep his name.
3. When talking with the minister before we were married I made sure that I would NOT be saying OBEY. I am my own person and I do NOT have to obey ANYONE...except my grandmother...
4. Single, married or divorced I have ALWAYS gone by Ms.
I think Ms. makes a statement. I will not be held down by tradition because it is tradition. I have made my own way thru this world and no one will tell me how I should be addressed.

I am now going to go and burn my bra.....I so would have loved the 60s...

Ursula
21-03-2009, 07:41 AM
Not going to burn my bra because I would trip over if I did that :( Before I got married this second time I used to say on forms Ms or if I was asked my status I would always say Happily Divorced, that always raised a chuckle... but I was!

Dorothy
21-03-2009, 11:47 AM
When talking with the minister before we were married I made sure that I would NOT be saying OBEY.

I asked for the same thing and was told no. So, I then said that if I had to promise to obey then so did Bob. The word obey was taken out of the ceremony :lol:

PsychoAlice
21-03-2009, 12:33 PM
Amen sister...

wdwgrandma
22-03-2009, 08:30 PM
If I HAVE to use one, it's MS. Otherwise my marital status is no one's business.

Ursula
22-03-2009, 09:40 PM
Ooh Grandma's living over the brush!

Ursula
22-03-2009, 09:40 PM
Why is it called that anyways?

wdwgrandma
22-03-2009, 09:41 PM
Ooh Grandma's living over the brush!
?????

Ursula
22-03-2009, 09:43 PM
Ah it's a saying we have over here... if you're not married but living with someone. Not saying you are, was just pulling your leg.

Taja
23-03-2009, 02:28 PM
Hmmmm....very interesting!

I favour firstname/lastname in introductions, except with young children. Then it's Ms./Mr. (Mrs. if person is well known to me and I know that is her preference) lastname. Each individual can choose to invite a child to call her/him by a first name, if that is preferred.

In business, I always use firstname/lastname. It provides a more equal footing. There are a few exceptions--perhaps the octogenarian founder of a company who still is actively involved in the daily operations. That deserves a bit of extra respect! :)

Jodie
23-03-2009, 06:02 PM
There was never any question of me not taking on Gavin's name and becomming Mrs.

This sort of thing does amuse me though, I mean why marry in the first place then deny all legal connection to them?

It doesn't bother me one jot that men do not have to indicate thier marital status on a form and I do feel getting frustrated over something like this is a push too far for equal rights, women got what they (and I) wanted and to continue the 'fight' over the wording on a form is time that could be spent so much more productively elsewhere and a fight that really no-one else is watching you win or lose.

Did I promise to 'Obey' Gavin? No idea, we just wanted to be married, the formalitis were exactly that, I am 99% sure the words for each of us were the same though.

wdwgrandma
23-03-2009, 11:30 PM
Ah it's a saying we have over here... if you're not married but living with someone. Not saying you are, was just pulling your leg.
LOL Let go of my leg!!! We'd just say that they were "shacking up"!!!

We're married. 14 years this coming Sept! And, yes, I took his last name and use it. It is far superior to what it was before we got married. But I do have a first name of my own and would never introduce myself as Mrs John USCWest. And I'd never sign my name that way. Personal preference. I have nothing against those who do. It just isn't for me.

foreverducky
24-03-2009, 01:42 AM
I guess after working in the DOC I much prefer Ms, as I stated in my prior post.

I actually love my last name and wouldn't want to give it up...even if a man could persuade me to make the decision of marriage, which I don't believe in.

Johnie
29-03-2009, 01:16 AM
I have always used Ms. That is what fits me best.

I did NOT take DH's last name when we married. I am my own person. I have my own name. I happen to like my name. I did not want to change it. It had nothing to do with any feelings or respect for him. In fact, he wanted to take my last name. That was impossible without a court decree. That was in 2000 :thumbsdown: The people at social security even asked him WHY he would want to do that. As if it was any of their business.

Ursula
29-03-2009, 10:02 PM
Well until I got remarried I kept my old married name because it used to severely pee off the new Mrs XYZ... she used to whine (and I think it's the whining part that did it for me... smirks) I am Mrs XYZ not her.... why is she still using that name. Well My dear because I can and cos it ticks you off no end... lol.

foreverducky
29-03-2009, 10:37 PM
Well until I got remarried I kept my old married name because it used to severely pee off the new Mrs XYZ... she used to whine (and I think it's the whining part that did it for me... smirks) I am Mrs XYZ not her.... why is she still using that name. Well My dear because I can and cos it ticks you off no end... lol.

:laughhard: That's priceless.

kazzaqld
30-03-2009, 12:41 AM
If I were getting married now I think I would keep my maiden name. I used to think that my married name would be an improvement because more people would be able to spell it. But they can't anyhow so I might as well have kept the old one! :yes:

I was only 20 when I married so liked the romantic idea of being Mrs but now I think it wouldn't matter so much.

My DMIL is divorced from 2nd husband (widowed from first) and she often talks about going back to first married name but every time she gets all the paperwork required it puts her off. :unsure:

winkwink
01-04-2009, 08:01 AM
well i just usey title and it confuses some people as its dr !!:taunt: i earned it so im gonna use it

Skywatcher
01-04-2009, 08:03 AM
And why not :D

Taja
01-04-2009, 02:46 PM
If I were getting married now I think I would keep my maiden name. I used to think that my married name would be an improvement because more people would be able to spell it. But they can't anyhow so I might as well have kept the old one! :yes:

I was only 20 when I married so liked the romantic idea of being Mrs but now I think it wouldn't matter so much.

My DMIL is divorced from 2nd husband (widowed from first) and she often talks about going back to first married name but every time she gets all the paperwork required it puts her off. :unsure:

The spelling/pronunciation issue sounds like Leu. She thought going from a name with many letters and multiple syllables to one with four letters and one syllable would make life easier. Wrong! People still can't spell it or pronounce it! :lol:

Mari
01-04-2009, 10:55 PM
umm...

I think just name/surname is the only "one size fits all".... otherwise it will simply be impossible to make everyone happy....