Great googly-moogly, it's been a straight-up "wreck of the Hesperus" couple of weeks around here. I'm usually a pretty upbeat gal. Really upbeat. Chirpy, even. Though that's really nothing more than proof that ignorance is bliss--my perpetual blondness leaves me rather blissfully unaware that I ought to be furious. This has most definitively been remedied recently. Allow me to submit, for your perusal and schadenfreude:
Item the first: Jedi-dog decides to come down with a mysterious set of symptoms which cause him to whine, yelp and then scream in pain whenever he moves his head and/or neck. Investment in vet visit, bloodwork, X-rays and pain meds =$265.00 ... 24 hours later, dog is fine. Okay, yes, we're all glad said canine is happily crapping on rugs when nobody's looking, licking his no-no bits and generally giving us his impersonation of a doofus on a regular basis. But c'mon, what need was there to cost me $265 for phantom symptoms? Anyhoo. Dog is healthy, I'm happy.
Item the second: Car issues. Mysterious "engine light" turns on during acceleration, followed by random bucking and jerking as the engine accelerates. Off to the mechanic. $150 just "to look". $130 to shut off said engine light. Another $60 to change something called "rear differential fluid". Yay. $355 later my car runs basically the same as it ever did.
Item the third: No paycheck last week, due to some declaration by the powers that be that there were, in fact, FIFTY THREE paydays in the fiscal year. Since the contract only provides for 52 paychecks, all of the city's teaching staff worked for free during the first week of school. No staff members received the courtesy of a heads-up on this matter--we simply did not receive pay. Way to stay klass-ay, school system.
Item the fourth: One of my students brought a cell phone to school on Sept. 10th--protocols were correctly followed. Phone was confiscated; student was offered the option to retrieve said phone at the end of that school day; she did not show. Phone was then returned on the following day. On Tuesday, irate parent arrives at school to withdraw her child, as she is "disgusted" with us, and oh, btw, she'd like to FILE A POLICE REPORT STATING THAT I STOLE HER CHILD'S PHONE. Stole. As in did not return. As in blatant lie. My social security number and work address were duly taken by the school officer, who then filed a report on the matter. My job is now to "wait and see if the parent opts to sue you in a civil case for the value of the phone". The phone THAT I RETURNED to her daughter, as per protocols. The phone that cost at most, what--30 or 40 dollars--what is the going rate on a TracFone? If she tries to sue me for the cost of some uber-techie Iphone imma go medieval on somebody...
Item the fifth: Toilet is leaking due to effed up wax sealing ring. FIL, who has always helped out in the past, is now saying "tough, call a plumber". Which is prolly not the best tack to take, since refusing to help me just means his son (who is 40 and living with Mama and Dad now--better them than me) will have to foot half the bill as per our agreement.
As if leaky poo-pot isn't enough, the faucet on my shower has decided to shart the bed. House water supply had to be shut off completely to keep an endless stream of hot water (ie. "liquid gold") from flowing uselessly down the drain. This is also a repair I cannot complete myself, due to an utter lack of the "handy" gene. Oh, I TRIED to repair it; it's just that the plumbing parts--created sometime in the late 40's--are stripped beyond repair. This will pay for some plumber's family trip to the tropics this winter, I'm sure. Did I mention I didn't get paid last week? Yeah.
Silver lining: since the main water line has been shut off, the toilet is no longer leaking. Oh, huzzah.
All of this adds up to the sort of stress that drives people to the top of clock towers whilst toting a laser-sighted rifle.
Stick a fork in me. I'm SO done.
If anyone needs me, I'll be over here listening to the voices in my head debating the merits of cashing in ALL my sick days at once, in favor of a month-long hiatus under the bed.