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Thread: I need advice please.

  1. #1
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    My son got that phone call that no young man head over heels in love wants to get from his girlfriend....and I have no idea what to do or say or even if I can make it better....I am truly lost here....I feel totally helpless I see that he is devastated and nothing I do or say helps....
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    Oh gosh. Just had this very thing happen in our family... Seth's Da.

    It's terrible. The tears are heart wrenching. There really isn't a single thing you can do other than listen, hold him (if he is close) and let him talk or cry as he will.

    It is a grieving process and there is nothing for it but through it. You can't make it better, you can't make it go away. You can tell him how sorry you are, and that you will always be there for him... and then just stand beside him and let him ache his way through.

    Seth's Da is still in a pretty bad way but the tears have eased off. He is hoping to move, as their current apartment is so filled with "those" memories.

    I wish I could tell you something different dear 'Catz, but that is the only way there is-through the pain out to the other side...






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  3. #3
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    nothing you can do, you have to let him grieve it out.

    Be there for a hug and to listen.

    Don't badmouth the girl. He may get back together with her and he won't forget you said something.












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  4. #4
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    Wise words Johnie.
    Hug him Catz and listen.
    for your son and your breaking heart.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
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    Having been there and done that there is nothing you can do but 'be there' sounds and feels pathetic at the time but he will love you all the more for it at the end

    just don't say ' there are plenty more fish in the sea' or anything like that, he wants her and her alone at the moment and will have to go through a berevement process before he can move on just tell him how sorry you are and over the coming weeks gently massage his ego as it will be pretty bruised right now.

  6. #6
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    It's hard to go through yourself but when it's your child you go through all that hurt again :( and probably more so than the first time round :( I'm going to kill anyone who hurts my child........

  7. #7
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    Thanks Skywatcher. That's what I needed to know myself. What is the man's perspective when something like this happens. I knew enough not to say good riddance, but I did redirect him a time or two when he was making the breakup "all his fault." That is never the case eh?

    So then, seriously how does a family member help with a young man's ego? My perspective is that he won't "believe" what we say because we love him. He expects us to think he's wonderful and it's not us that he wants to think he is wonderful it was HER he wanted to think was wonderful.

    Did that make a bit of sense?






    Welcome to our new home! It's a lovely and friendly place. If you haven't joined yet, do register. It's a great place to make friends and share all those Disney secrets!!

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    OK not saying things like 'aren't you handsome' 'wont you be a good catch' or heaven forbid sending valentines cards but just being interesting in what they do as a hobby or at school. Just generally try to make him feel good about the person he is. laugh at his jokes and take his arguments ifn a conversation seriously and treat him as an equal adult. Don't try and belittle his grief, at his age there is no sense of proportion at all, in his eyes he is ugly and worthless and is never ever going to find anyone that beautiful who will understand him like taht ever again , and noone will ever be able to say anything different; again don't badmouth theother half he will be defensive and as said may end up back together which makes life tough for you.

    Don't try and be 'pals' about it either I think , be a parent and tell them you love them and you are here for them but that you understand they may need some space at the moment, tell them you are sorry for the pain they are going through.

    There is no magic phrase that will make all the hurt go away

    but lets face it , its part of growing up, you HAVE to learn to take the knocks



    not sure how usefull that diatribe was

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Johnie, post: 177376
    Don't badmouth the girl. He may get back together with her and he won't forget you said something.
    I agree Johnie, very wise not to put the ex down.

    Sorry your son is going through this right now SC

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skywatcher, post: 177468
    OK not saying things like 'aren't you handsome' 'wont you be a good catch' or heaven forbid sending valentines cards but just being interesting in what they do as a hobby or at school. Just generally try to make him feel good about the person he is. laugh at his jokes and take his arguments ifn a conversation seriously and treat him as an equal adult. Don't try and belittle his grief, at his age there is no sense of proportion at all, in his eyes he is ugly and worthless and is never ever going to find anyone that beautiful who will understand him like taht ever again , and noone will ever be able to say anything different; again don't badmouth theother half he will be defensive and as said may end up back together which makes life tough for you.

    Don't try and be 'pals' about it either I think , be a parent and tell them you love them and you are here for them but that you understand they may need some space at the moment, tell them you are sorry for the pain they are going through.

    There is no magic phrase that will make all the hurt go away

    but lets face it , its part of growing up, you HAVE to learn to take the knocks



    not sure how usefull that diatribe was
    OR you could just beat the living beep out of the ex.......

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