Mairead I'm so sorry you are having some bad days. I wish there was some magic way to speed up the healing process to help you feel better but sadly there is not :( All you can do is tell yourself in time it won't hurt as severly as it does now. That doesn't mean you won't miss her it just means the wound won't be so fresh & open. Until then, you need to go through the stages of grieving & never, ever apologize for venting. You have a lot of friends here who care so much for you.
ive not been here on secrets long but just wanted to say there is always someone here to listen to you and help you in any way i can so sorry for your loss
everyone has said it so well so I will just add this Thinking of you.
Next trip - Bali! (March 2015)
If anyone has a right to feel sad, down and upset it's you and your family.
I hope things get a little better for you all soon.