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Thread: A little church bulletin humour

  1. #1
    Senior Member uscwest's Avatar
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    The following were all in Church Bulletins or were announced during church services:

    The Fasting & Prayer Conference - includes meals.

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    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

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    Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

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    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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    The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

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    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you..

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    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I Will Not Pass This Way Again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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    The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'

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    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - Prayer and medication to follow.

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    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to

    sin.

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    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

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    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles to use for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door only.

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    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.

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    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'





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  2. #2
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    Those are great John!

  3. #3
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  4. #4
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    Love it, John!

    Tom (... lover of inane humor!)

  5. #5
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    That was great I needed a laugh today












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  6. #6
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    Too funny, love that stuff!!

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