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Thread: Are We Being Selfish?

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    Moderator Beccaberry's Avatar
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    So, the cat is now out of the proverbial bag...this weekend we told both sets of parents that we would be spending the Christmas holidays in Disney World. My parents seemed genuinely excited (huge surprise, actually) but Jon's mother accused us of being selfish. This comment centered specifically around the request that we have asked to not be included in the exchange of gifts this year (with the exception of us buying something for Jon's niece, Lilly, and soon to arrive nephew). Basically it boils down to, please don't buy us anything and please don't expect to receive a gift from us (much more politely said of course!).

    Now, we ALL know there is no love lost between Jon's mother and I, so I will be the first to admit that I am in no way subjective enough to know if what she says has merit...so, I am asking for opinions from those I trust. Seriously asking. Don't just tell me what I want to hear because it will help me sleep at night. I don't sleep anyway ;)

    Let me have it.




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    Quote Originally Posted by Beccaberry, post: 265226
    So, the cat is now out of the proverbial bag...this weekend we told both sets of parents that we would be spending the Christmas holidays in Disney World. My parents seemed genuinely excited (huge surprise, actually) but Jon's mother accused us of being selfish. This comment centered specifically around the request that we have asked to not be included in the exchange of gifts this year (with the exception of us buying something for Jon's niece, Lilly, and soon to arrive nephew). Basically it boils down to, please don't buy us anything and please don't expect to receive a gift from us (much more politely said of course!).

    Now, we ALL know there is no love lost between Jon's mother and I, so I will be the first to admit that I am in no way subjective enough to know if what she says has merit...so, I am asking for opinions from those I trust. Seriously asking. Don't just tell me what I want to hear because it will help me sleep at night. I don't sleep anyway ;)

    Let me have it.

    Is she upset that she isn't receiving a gift or does she truly like buying for people and upset cause she can't do that?

    Personally, I don't think it's selfish at all. Lots of people are having hard times financially so I imagine this conversation is playing itself out all over the place.












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    Moderator Beccaberry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Johnie, post: 265227
    Is she upset that she isn't receiving a gift or does she truly like buying for people and upset cause she can't do that?

    Personally, I don't think it's selfish at all. Lots of people are having hard times financially so I imagine this conversation is playing itself out all over the place.
    Honestly? It's hard to say. Well, that's not true...I have lots I could say (and none of it is even remotely kind). I could start by saying, no I do NOT think it is because she "enjoys" buying gifts...at least not for me, considering last year she re-gifted me a bottle of wine from her office and added my name to Jon's cast-iron dutch oven...and she CONSTANTLY complains about having to "figure out what the hell to get for BECCA'S children because heaven knows they already have EVERYTHING"...and finally, Jon still has the boxed shirt and tie sets she gave him last year and hasn't opened them because the one's that she gave him the previous year (in the same color) are still perfectly good. So no, I don't think she "enjoys" shopping for us. I think she just wants to make us feel bad or perhaps frivolous. I know she thinks we should be spending the money on painting, or flooring, or siding or some other nonsense for the house. But my thoughts have *always* been that the house will still be there when the kids are grown and gone, but they will only be THIS age one year...and I want to enjoy it...so the house can wait.

    I also don't think she's upset over not receiving a gift, after all, the last gift we purchased for her is still sitting in the original box, in the spare room.

    I think she just likes to be contrary :)




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    Selfish NO. You are enjoying life .My inlaws were the the same they kept tell us
    you should be home for the holidays we never see you. Of course when they would come to town they would never stop to see us. We have been going to disney for
    christmas for 20 yr with no regrets Go and have fun .

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beccaberry, post: 265228
    But my thoughts have *always* been that the house will still be there when the kids are grown and gone, but they will only be THIS age one year...and I want to enjoy it...so the house can wait.

    This. Right. Here. EXACTLY












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  6. #6
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    I dont think you are being selfish at all! Its christmas for you and your children too and going to Disney is your christmas present to one another! IMO christmas is for children anyway - and if you are getting gifts for the younger ones in the family then there shouldnt be a sniff of a problem!
    Dont worry about what she said - if she has a problem with it, then oh well!



  7. #7
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    Not at all Becca, you are choosing how you would like to spend your money, your prerogative. You're not really being frivolous because you're showing the kids (ha ha) that they cant have everything and you have all made the decision together as a family where to spend your money. I think she's just being hateful and if you cave in this year it will be one thing after another. Good luck.














  8. #8
    Administrator Tink's Avatar
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    What a mean spirited woman. You are focused on the important things with this WDW Christmas holiday. Ignore her sour grapes. Apparently, you couldn't do too much right in her book anyway, so don't try to read it.

    Focus on doing what your family needs, and on what will matter most when all is said and done. Another unused, grudgingly given present doesn't factor into your building forever memories for yourself and your children.

    Of course, you could always invite her along. :D :D :D






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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tink, post: 265238
    What a mean spirited woman. You are focused on the important things with this WDW Christmas holiday. Ignore her sour grapes. Apparently, you couldn't do too much right in her book anyway, so don't try to read it.

    Focus on doing what your family needs, and on what will matter most when all is said and done. Another unused, grudgingly given present doesn't factor into your building forever memories for yourself and your children.

    Of course, you could always invite her along. :D :D :D
    Good advice from Tink there. To take her along with you :D

    Put it this way, if you cancelled your trip, and instead visited her for the holidays, and bought her and the others presents, and accepted their delightful gifts too....would she be happier? Or think any better of you? My guess is she would be deeply disappointed. This way you are giving her the Christmas gift of something else to be negative about! It will keep her occuppied for ages!:D

    For what it's worth,. I truly think you are doing the right thing. A wonderful family Christmas with the people who truly care, and spending money on things that will bring happiness, rather than just for the sake of it. And good on your lovely parents for being so gracious and happy about it!






  10. #10
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    My two cents: don't waste another minute thinking about her and her comment.

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