I have absolutely no interest in the game at all. All overpaid prima donnas prancing round in shiny shirts and kissing each other when they score goals. I'd rather stick needles in my eyes than go to a soccer game.
But we don't get much to gloat about in this part of the world so...
We have this football team down here - Brighton and Hove Albion. Widely acknowledged as one of the most completely useless teams in the whole world. Their first team squad is valued at about £4.23. They have no stadium of their own so play their home games at the local athletics stadium. Their average home game crowd is 3 men (all over 80), 1 dog and a handful of seagulls (who are only there for the worms that get churned up).
Anyway last night this local teamed played Manchester City in some cup tie or other. Manchester City are the richest team in the country. They just spent £30million on one player. How many hip replacements would that buy? Their first team spends more each week on hair styling products than the Albion get paid in a whole year.
And our local useless bunch of nobodies beat them.