Don't beat yourself up, Tinker. You were quite young yourself when everything happened. We're very different people at 20 than we are at 50. The basics are inside, but we're still learning who we are and how we fit into this world.
It appears that Jennifer has found a way to begin communication with you. The book may be a bit impersonal, but it's a wonderful way to open a dialogue between the two of you--and perhaps with other family members.
I have a feeling you're the only one blaming yourself for not seeing what was happening around you. And, with a bit of work and luck, your family just might become closer in the future.