60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. Midwesterns plant gardens.
50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People are sunbathing in the Midwest.
40 above zero: Import cars won't start. Midwesterns drive with the sunroof open.
32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in the Midwest gets thicker.
20 above zero: New Mexicans don long johns, parkas and wool hats & mittens. Midwesterns throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn on the heat. People in the Midwest have one last cookout before it gets cold.
Zero: People in Miami all die. People in the Midwest close the windows.
10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico . Midwesterns dig their winter coats out of storage.
25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. Girl Scouts in the Midwest still selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero: Washington , D.C. finally runs out of hot air. People in the Midwest let their dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Midwesterns get upset because the Mini-Van won't start.
460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). People in the Midwest can be heard to say, "Cold 'nuff fer ya?"
500 below zero: You know where freezes over. The public schools in the Midwest open 2 hours late.