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Thread: banned from walmart

  1. #1

    This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

    Dear Mrs. Gilbert
    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Gilbert are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras ...

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4 July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
    And last, but not least...

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

  2. #2
    Senior Member mumof2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    West Sussex
    LOL - wouldn't you just love to do all those things, I know I would!

    P.S When i read the title I thought for a minute there that *you'd* been banned!!

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    Aug 2008
    Dorset UK

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008

  5. #5
    Senior Member Mandy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009

    1996 All Star Sports Resort
    1998 Sheraton Anaheim (California)
    2001 Carousel Inn (California)
    2007 Disney's Port Orleans Riverside
    2009 Sheraton Park Anaheim (California)
    2012 Azul Sensatori, Riviera Maya (Mexico)
    2013 El Dorando Seaside Suites (Mexico)
    2015 All Star Sports Resort

  6. #6
    Oh my gosh! Too wicked funny, Brit!!! Thanks for sharing!!

    (Now I have all sorts of grand ideas for April 1).

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Upstate New York

    I love it!

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    When i worked for the RAC in a control centre we had a lady who lived alone apart from her two cats, she said she wanted to get some food for them so me and another lad took her over to Brent Cross shopping centre to Waitrose and when down the pet food isle she picked up a tin of cat food and me and my mate started screaming out loud that "Mum..we dont want to eat Tuna flavor again tonight as we had it the past two nights...."" and started to throw a hissy fit....all the shoppers arround stared at her and some of the face looks were pricless...well she dropped her basket and ran out. Once we stopped laughing we bought a case of cat food each and took it back too her. She was in the controlroom telling the others and they were all laughing. We gave her the food but didnt take the money as the laugh was worth it......she never went anywhere with us again for the next three years i worked there....

  9. #9
    Senior Member piglet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    North East Scotland
    especially at the last one

    DLP The Disneyland Hotel
    1998 Wilderness Lodge
    1999 Off site
    2000 Caribbean Beach
    2001 Coronado Springs
    2003 Beach Club
    2005 Beach Club
    2007 Beach Club
    2009 Beach Club
    2012 Beach Club
    2014 Beach Club Concierge

  10. #10

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