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a woman's week at the gym

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs and Games' started by Britchick, Mar 8, 2009.

  1. Britchick
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    Britchick Serious Forum Regular

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    A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
    >>>
    >>> Dear Diary,
    >>> For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of

    >>> personal training at the local health club for me..
    >>>
    >>> Although I am still in great shape since being a high school
    football
    >>> cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go
    >>> ahead and give it a try.
    >>>
    >>> I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer
    >>> named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics
    >>> instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
    >>>
    >>> My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The
    club
    >>> encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
    >>>
    >>> ________________________________
    >>> MONDAY:
    >>> Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it
    was
    >>> well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo
    >>> waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair,
    >>> dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
    >>>
    >>> Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed
    watching
    >>> the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my
    >>> workout today. Very inspiring!
    >>>
    >>> Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was
    >>> already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This

    >>> is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
    >>>
    >>> ________________________________
    >>> TUESDAY:
    >>> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
    >>> Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the
    air
    >>> then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
    >>> treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all

    >>> worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
    >>>
    >>> _______________________________
    >>> WEDNESDAY:
    >>> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the

    >>> counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have

    >>> a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try
    to
    >>> steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
    >>>
    >>> Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered
    >>> other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early
    in
    >>> the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is
    >>> VERY annoying.
    >>>
    >>> My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the
    >>> stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to
    simulate
    >>> an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would

    >>> help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other **** too.
    >>>
    >>> _______________________________
    >>> THURSDAY:
    >>> ***hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as
    his
    >>> thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help
    >>> being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
    >>>
    >>> He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I
    ran
    >>> and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny ***** to find me.
    >>>
    >>> Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I
    sank.
    >>> _________________________________
    >>> FRIDAY:
    >>> I hate that ******* Christo more than any human being has ever hated

    >>> any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny,
    >>> anaemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor.. If there was a part of

    >>> my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with
    >>> it.
    >>>
    >>> Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!
    >>> And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn
    >>> barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
    >>>
    >>> The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
    >>> teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama
    >>> coach or the choir director?
    >>>
    >>> ________________________________
    >>> SATURDAY:
    >>> Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly

    >>> voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice
    >>> made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked

    >>> the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven
    >>> straight hours of the Weather Channel.
    >>>
    >>> ________________________________
    >>> SUNDAY:
    >>> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go
    >>> and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next
    year
    >>> my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root
    canal
    >>> or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he

    >>> would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
    >
  2. mumof2
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    mumof2 Serious Forum Regular

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  3. Dizneyblonde
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    Dizneyblonde Secret's Birthday Fairy!

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    LOL i'd still rather go through that than what i did!

    And to think i can't wait to get back to the gym!
  4. Britchick
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    Britchick Serious Forum Regular

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    i still like my PT actually :yes::unsure: don't tell Jon :sorry:
  5. foreverducky
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    foreverducky Addicted to Mickey

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