I`ve just received an email containing the following funnies:~ Does anyone have a tooth pick? I had a Tesco burger last night and thereâ€™s still a bit between my teeth. My daughter has always wanted a pony, so Iâ€™m buying her a Tesco Quarter Pounder for her birthday. My doctor told me to watch what I eat, so I went out and bought tickets for the Grand National. If you think horse meatâ€™s bad, wait until you try Tescoâ€™s veggie burgers. Theyâ€™re made of genuine uniQuorn. I wonâ€™t eat Tesco burgers. They may be low in fat, but they have a very high Shergar content. Tesco are giving treble points on your Clubcard for all burgers and petrol, starting today. The dealâ€™s called Only Fuel and Horses. What do you call a burnt Tesco burger? Black Beauty. A motorist gets pulled over by a police officer, who asks him to blow into a breathalyser. The machine beeps. â€˜Iâ€™m sorry Sir,â€™ says the officer. â€˜Youâ€™re over the limit. Can you tell me what you have had tonight?â€™ â€˜Nothing Officer,â€™ replies the man. â€˜Just a burger from Tesco.â€™ â€˜That explains it,â€™ says the policeman. â€˜I knew I could smell Red Rum.â€™ Theyâ€™ve found horse meat in Tesco burgers? Itâ€™s an unbridled disaster. A Tesco burger walks into a bar. â€˜A pint please.â€™ â€˜I canâ€™t hear you,â€™ says the barman. â€˜Sorryâ€™ replies the burger. â€˜Iâ€™m a little bit horse.â€™ I selected some burgers on the Tesco website. And then clicked â€˜Add to cart.â€™ Those Tesco horse burgers were nice, but I prefer My Lidl Pony. I used to work on the Tesco meat counter, but it was like flogging a dead horse. Last night I ate a Tesco burger, an Iceland burger and an Aldi burger to find out which had the best taste. Tesco won by a short head. I think someone may be sending me death threats. I woke up this morning with a Tesco burger in my bed. I bought an â€˜award-winningâ€™ Tesco burger. I didnâ€™t realise they meant it had won the Cheltenham Gold Cup. I used to work for Tesco, but I was fired. I got an email about a delivery of horse meat and I marked it as spam. Horse meat in Tesco burgers? What are the odds on that? I tried to take some burgers back to Tesco but they said they wouldnâ€™t accept them. Looks like Iâ€™m saddled with them. Personally, I think people who donâ€™t like eating horse meat are being a bit blinkered. Are you in favour of horse meat in your burgers? Yay or Neigh? I wonâ€™t be switching to Tesco Finest burgers. Theyâ€™re so expensive that buying enough for a big family dinner wonâ€™t leave you much change from a pony. I was going to give up fast food for January, but I fell at the final hurdle and had a Tesco burger. Just been to Tesco and bought a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of Lambâ€™s and some burgers. So thatâ€™s white rum, navy rum and Red Rum. Unused HMV vouchers are now being accepted at Tesco. Just tell them HMV means â€˜Horse Meat Voucherâ€™. Despite the recent scandal, Tesco insist they use only meat of the highest quality. A spokesman said: â€˜Our meat has to clear several hurdles before it goes on sale.â€™ And the most groan-inducing?.?.?. Whatâ€™s in this burger? It just jumped over my chips. I donâ€™t know why thereâ€™s a fuss all of a sudden. Thereâ€™s been horse meat in Tesco burgers for donkeyâ€™s years. I like my burgers with a side saddle and neighonnaise. I hope Tesco were selling those burgers at hoof price. So thereâ€™s horse meat in Tescoâ€™s burgers. Donâ€™t worry, itâ€™s not the mane ingredient. Forget the Everyday Value burgers â€” I only eat those mini-burgers you have as snacks. You know, the horse dâ€™oeuvres. I bought some Tesco burgers â€” I wanted to get venison ones, but they were dead dear. I ordered a Tesco burger the other day â€” but asked them to hold the dressage. Tesco wouldâ€™ve got away with it if it wasnâ€™t for the DN Neigh test.