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nutrition facts

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs and Games' started by Shellyamc, Nov 18, 2008.

  1. Shellyamc
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    Shellyamc Serious Forum Regular

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    Old, but still good :)


    Subject: nutrition facts
    >
    >When I was in Montana this summer I went to a doctor in Butte because I
    >wasn't feeling so well. I was impressed with his medical approach and
    >knowledge. I feel like I should share his wisdom with you.
    >
    >I Love this Doctor
    >
    >Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
    >
    >A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
    >them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
    >will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life
    >of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
    >
    >Q:Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    >
    >A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
    >corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
    >efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
    >Eat
    >
    >chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
    >(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
    >recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
    >
    >Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    >
    >A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
    >means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
    >goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
    >
    >Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    >
    >A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
    >you have t wo bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
    >
    >Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
    >program?
    >
    >A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
    >
    >Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    >
    >A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
    >oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
    >bad for you?
    >
    >Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
    >
    >middle?
    >
    >A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
    >only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
    >
    >Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    >
    >A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!!
    >
    >Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    >
    >A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
    >
    >Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
    >
    >A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
    >
    >Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
    >food and diets. And remember:
    >
    >"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
    >safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
    >sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
    >thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"
    >
    >AND.....
    >
    >For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition
    >and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting
    >nutritional studies.
    >
    >1. The Japanese eat very little fat
    >
    >and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    >
    >2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
    >
    >and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    >
    >3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
    >
    >and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    >
    >4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
    >
    >and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    >
    >5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and
    >suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    >
    >CONCLUSION
    >
    >Eat and drink what you like.
    >
    >Speaking English is apparently what kills you
     
  2. Johnie
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    Johnie Budget Queen Forum Host

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  3. Tink
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    Tink Cead Mille Failte! Staff Member Administrator

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    Ahem! :eek:
    :laugh:
     
  4. Ursula
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    Ursula Cast Member

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    I likey this idea.....
     
  5. Wendy
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    Wendy A hui hou kakou makuakane Staff Member Administrator

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  6. mumof2
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    mumof2 Serious Forum Regular

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    cool, so i *am* doing all the right things then......:D
     
  7. josh.p.
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    josh.p. Addicted to Mickey

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    :lol: Me likey.
     
  8. foreverducky
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    foreverducky Addicted to Mickey

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    I soooo wish this was all true!

    However, I do agree with the arriving to the grave by skidding in and having your body look like you had one h*ll of a journey. :D
     
  9. Tink
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    Tink Cead Mille Failte! Staff Member Administrator

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    I used to have that one framed and hanging on my office wall. :D
     

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