Then I remember the ipod touch in my hand luggage and fish that out. Nifty little thing that kept me occupied for half an hour. Unfortunately the boy, and most of the rest of the passengers, noticed me jumping out of my seat and cheering every time I cleared a level and snatched it off of me to see what all the fuss was about. So that was the end of me using any little gadgets with little Apple logos on them. So I got the gadget from Nintendo out instead. Yep the little DS with the Mickey Mouse skin on it kept me going longer than any book, wordsearch, puzzle magazine, trashy tabloid magazine, or any other time killing device I’ve ever tried on a plane. I was well pleased when Dr Kawashima told me that my brain age was a mere 23. I told Mr A and he said I was 23 going on 8. Pah! I played Sudoku for hours. At some point an ice cream thing appeared. This was a bit of a let down as the first time I flew with Virgin we had ice cream Mars served to us. This flight we had the equivalent of a Tesco value choc ice. Auntie Jo missed out on her choc ice due to being out cold after taking some drugs for her back. About half way into the flight we had a bit of a kerfuffle when Nanny Lesley announced that she had lost her passport. Well we know she had it in her hand when we got on the plane because you needed it to get on the plane. Anyway after about 10 minutes of searching her little bit of seat space the passport was located and I threatened to take it off of Nanny and look after it myself if she did that again. Auntie Jo took another tablet and went back to sleep. Then some turbulence hit so it was seat belts on and no using the toilets while all the nervous passengers screamed a bit. The boy said it wasn’t turbulence but someone had farted which got me thinking. The whole time you sit there with your little headphones on you can’t hear anything so for 9 hours you sit letting air escape from your backside and because you don’t hear it you assume that everyone around you doesn’t hear it. After seven hours trapped in a tiny space with just a couple of short strolls down to the toilet the boy started to get a bit restless. He’d actually gone six hours and fifty nine minutes longer than I thought he would without any incident so I was happier than a happy thing. So there we go; two hours to arrival time and the boy is getting antsy and using his headphones as nunchucks. Also he’s a bit cross that the boy seated in front of him has commited the cardinal sin and reclined. I give him a quick lesson in tolerance but it’s all a waste of time as boy in front has to put his seat back up as the flight crew are coming round with the cheese and pickle sandwiches. That’s it. Just a sandwich. No little slice of cake or even a yoghurt or a pot of fruit salad. A cheese and pickle sandwich. Luckily Mr A had the foresight to anticipate **** food and had bought a Ginsters cornish pasty at the airport so he and the boy shared that while I ate my plastic sandwich. While we were eating this the announcement came that once we were an hour from Orlando we would all have to sit in our seats with nothing but the skymap for entertainment until we landed. No ipods, no Nintendo things, and best of all, no toilets. Cue the mad rush for the toilets as soon as the sandwich remnants are cleared away. I’ve no idea why we have to be confined to seats for the last hour but I would hazard a guess that it’s due to some American government department’s paranoia. So the hour warning comes and we are in our seats with all our gadgets and gizmos packed away and our whoosits and whatsits firmly stashed in the overhead compartment. Blankets are confiscated as they are not allowed on your laps for the last hour either; presumably to stop any surreptitious Angry Birds playing going on, though I suspect the jumping and cheering when you finally crush King Pig would solidly give you away. For the last hour all we have left to keep us amused is the groovy Skymap and it’s little cartoon maps. As we start our descent into Orlando the boy adopts the brace position so he clearly has paid attention to the safety briefing and read the safety card. As I look over at him laughing I look over his shoulder out of the little window. Blimey those wings really do bend a lot don’t they. I start contemplating the flexibility of composite metals but am disturbed by the plane dropping suddenly about I’m guessing ten feet. Somewhere at the back of the plane a woman screams and uses a bad word. The captain comes over the address system thing to announce that we are just crossing the coastline of Florida and flying over Kennedy Space Center, and that we will shortly be landing in Orlando. You could clearly see the coastline and the buildings below. Every so often the plane dropped a little and the woman at the back screamed a little. I wonder aloud if anyone has explained to her that in order for us to land we have to go downwards. As we make our final descent I gather up our belongings and cram them back into our bags. For some reason I always seem to go off of a plane with more than I went on it with. No idea why but I seem to accumulate things while on a plane. Anyway I give the boy a wet wipe to clean his face with as it’s bearing the remnants of chocolate things. He takes extra care over this as he’s heard that you have to have your photo taken at immigration and he’s very keen to make a good first impression. The plane continues to drop and screaming woman continues to scream. A quick circle round to line up and we come in for a lovely smooth landing. We are down. As we taxi to the stand a member of the flight crew makes the announcement, “Welcome to Miami.” At the back of the plane screaming woman feints and falls out of her seat.